User talk:AKgirl/Alien

Feel free to comment on Alien.

DEOXYS! YESUser:Darth Cookie Monster/Sig

I had a feeling you would comment Cookie-san...

User:AKgirl/Sig20:35, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

You know...

One of the worst things you could do in a story is put in big, bold letters FLASHBACK. There are better ways to do it. Like, possibly, "Aeria remembered what had been said about Deoxys at one time..." or something. Make it flow. FLASHBACK and END OF FLASBACK tags are some of the most-mocked things on the internet.

And you could make your chapters longer... I mean, I barely have to scroll and I've hit Chapter 2. If the chapters are that short, well, expand on them! Describe more. What is Aeria, besides an alien? Surely her species must call themselves something. And there's gotta be more to her than just having purple antenna-ears and fairy wings. Make sure to divide up the dialog, too; make sure it isn't "blah blah" said someone. "blah" said someone else. Put it into separate lines if it's different characters. For example:

---

"My name is Ash! I'm a Pokémon Trainer from Pallet Town!" the boy stated triumphantly.

His blue-haired companion piped up: "And I am Dawn, on my way to be the best Coordinator in Sinnoh!"

Their third companion had seemed to have disappeared, as far as Harriet knew, until her hand was grabbed. "I'm Brock, and I think we could make beautiful music togeth—"

Suddenly, Brock's Croagunk stabbed him in the gut. Brock, paralyzed, fell to the ground with a groan while Ash and Dawn sighed, unsurprised.

---

But hey. You're doing all right. After all, you're making the effort to spell stuff well, and unlike some, actually divide up paragraphs (Greatest pitfall to many fanfic writers? Wall of text.). But certainly, you have room to improve as we all do. Even Shakespeare's earliest works were pretty crappy, and look how he turned out.

So yeah. That's... all I've got. Continue. TTEchidnaFire echy 21:08, 21 March 2008 (UTC)

I taught her that. She has a long way to gom but she'll be a great author if she keeps going at this rate. Optimatum^Talk|♊02:55 22 Mar 2008

Aww

Sniff...As you can see I'm a bit dramatic, that was so sweet Optimatum-san. It's nice to have someone who has faith in me.

User:AKgirl/Sig03:25, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

Please, just...Optimus/Convoy. You're making me think you're hitting on me...Optimatum^Talk|♊03:26 22 Mar 2008

Well you know, he isn't the only one. So do I, along with many others. I mean who wouldn't?User:Pokemaniac102/Sig 03:27, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

-pukes- Too...young...for...relationship...Optimatum^Talk|♊03:29 22 Mar 2008

Yet old enough to curseUser:Pokemaniac102/Sig 03:32, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

Learnt the word 'f---' when I was just 9. Used it immediately and got scolded. Optimatum^Talk|♊03:35 22 Mar 2008

I'm not even old enough to curseUser:Pokemaniac102/Sig 03:36, 22 March 2008 (UTC)